Nancy Killian, a woman from a rural town in southwest Indiana, vacationed in New York City this past fall, marking the first time she had ever left the state of Indiana. During the three day vacation, Nancy reportedly ate bagels, rode the subway and tried some pizza as well. There are conflicting reports of her being mugged after getting off at the wrong stop in Brooklyn.
Friends say that upon her return to Indiana, Nancy couldn't let go of New York. "She would just compare everything to one stupid fucking thing she saw or did in New York," says Sally Mae, a long time friend. "She was only there for three days but claimed she just couldn't eat pizza from anywhere around here anymore."
Nancy's father Abel echoed Sally's story. "We went to the grocery store a few weeks ago and all she would talk about was how cheap everything was and how it just didn't look as good as it did in New York. Her grandfather owns the store and the produce is all local and organic. But to Nancy, nothing could be as good as New York."
Nancy battled depression, claiming that "nothing is that awesome around here, everything is much more awesome in New York. "This one time in New York I stayed up until like four and everything was still open. It was crazy!"
In a state of general malaise, Nancy roamed the streets of her hometown in the dead of night, knocking on doors and seeing if anyone wanted to go to a club.
Eventually, it was too much for her. She decided that if she was going to turn her life around, she'd have to make a move quickly. So Nancy bought a one way ticket to Paris, apparently "the only place on earth as good as New York...maybe." After arriving, Nancy was so thrilled at all of the aspects of Paris that were "millions of times better than any stupid thing in Indiana" that her head exploded waiting in line for the Louvre.
Onionesque.
ReplyDeleteGreat structure. funny man, totally like a woman
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